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Commentary
by Dr. Ursula A. Falk |
From Child to Parent to
Grandparent
(In America We Have It Good)
Having immigrated under horrendous
circumstances from Nazi Germany to this wonderful country that I call home, I
look back and realize my good fortune. This feeling of contentment and gratitude
is something that my grandchildren can never feel. With all of their privileges,
their piano and dance lessons, their beautiful home, their myriads of
opportunities, they feel deprived if they have to share a ride or can’t see a
coveted show or own that third coat that they “need so much.” They have so
much that they do not appreciate all that they possess and all the goodness that
has come to them through those who have paved their way in the not too distant
past.
I think back when I had two dresses, one always hung outside to dry while the
other was on my person; when my beloved Dad brought home a few very small
pencils that a colleague had discarded because the erasers were worn down; when
we were delighted to have a piece of my Mom’s delicious cheesecake that she
painstakingly baked in a partially functioning second hand oven; when I could
not appear to receive my 8th grade valedictory prize since I did not
have the proper clothing to wear to give my speech from the stage of our small
town school; how I worked as a waitress in a bar instead, pretending to be much
older than my fourteen years; how I walked for miles to search for a job so that
I could buy a few things for my family and myself. In spite of all this I
felt like a very lucky person to be free from the tyranny in Germany and the
freedom that had become mine. Unlike my grandchildren, I could not ask my
parents or grandparents to present me with material goods. My parents had none
to give. My Dad worked fourteen hours a day in the cooler of a dairy and my
mother plucked the chickens we had for dinner and stretched the few dollars that
my father was able to earn. We had no grandparents. They succumbed long before
we escaped the gas ovens. We were happy to be alive. In Weirton, West Virginia,
where I spent my early years, I was delighted to find a candy store where I
could get a small packet of ten caramels for three pennies. On very special
occasions I was able to get an ice cream cone, which was a treat anticipated
days in advance. That, together with learning English and striving to excel,
gave me a busy and gratifying life. Trying to compete with the Jewish American
children who spoke a perfect English, had fine clothes and many friends was not
one of my ambitions and I counted my good fortune every day.
Life is very different for our grandchildren. They have never had to struggle
and their path has been relatively easy and protected. We are of course
delighted to see that our future, our grandchildren, have unheard of
opportunities that we did not have. We are only deeply sorry that they are
unable to fully appreciate and value all that has come their way and we ardently
with all of our hearts hope that they will avail themselves of the many
privileges that have come their way as a result of having been born in this
great land of America.
Dr. Ursula A. Falk is a psychotherapist in private practice
and the co-author, with Dr. Gerhard Falk, of Grandparents:
A New Look at the Supporting Generation (publ. July 2002)
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